8 Step Conversation Model

You may be asking what is SCM – well it stands for – 8 Step Conversation Model. Starting a conversation can be difficult some times, even with people you know. I would go so far as to say it something that needs some practice if you want to get really good at it.

Recently I came across this amazing conversation model that is perfect – it’s easy to remember and easy to implement and what a better place to implement it then with your grandkids.

Tracie Sage said “Our spirit wants to experience connection by being seen, felt and heard. When you ask and listen deeply with curiosity to whatever wants to be expressed, you are giving one of the most precious gifts you can give to one you love.”

So lets talk steps to a meaningful conversation with your grandkids, but first a bit of advice – the sooner you start the better. If you start listening to your grandkids when they are young then they know you can be trusted when you are wanting to connect.

Step 1

Ask what it’s like where they live. By asking them this question you are entering their world you are asking them for their interruption about what they are experiencing every day.

Step 2

Ask them what they like about where they live. Listen as they describe the beauty of their neighborhood and the adventures they experience there.

Step 3

Ask them about their neighbors. Do they feel comfortable about their neighbors and where they live? You can even ask them if they have any crazy neighbors.

Step 4

Ask them if they have any friend that live close to them. Ask them about their friends, what are their names, have them describe their friends.

Step 5

What about their family – do they have cousins, aunts, uncles or other grandparents that live near by. What do they know and understand about the family that lives around them.

Step 6

Ask them what they like to do for fun – what do they spend their spare time doing, what do they like to create. I use a hand here because it’s like they are raising their hand when they share this information – they are sharing something very personal and something they “DO”

Step 7

Ask them if they like to travel – ask them where they like to go (it can be to the park, to the mountains or ocean or to grandmas:)

Step 8

Ask them who they like to travel/play/have fun with. Who is it that they like to be around and do things with.

So what can you learn about your grandchild by asking them these questions?

If you are paying attention these are the areas of your grand childs life that are being opened up to you:

  • Where they live- As they talk about where they live it will give you insight to their heart and how they feel about themselves. Do they feel safe, do they feel free to dream and grow?
  • Friends & Family – This will tell you about their relationships, how they are getting along with others.
  • What do they do for fun – tells you how they view their free time to dream, create & explore.
  • Travel – This tells you how much freedom they feel they have, freedom to leave the every day life and do things that are out of the ordinary. This one for a grandchild can be a bit tricky since many times travel and the freedom to travel is very dependent on the parents.
  • Who they bring – to travel, play or have fun – This tells where they attach meaning, who and what they value.

I love this model because of it’s simplicity – I love the above picture because it helps me remember the steps. The movement from outside questions – tell me about your neighborhood, to inside questions about their own values.

And the beauty of this model is that it can be used with anyone anywhere. On the airplane with a stranger, with your sister that you haven’t seen in 5 years or with your grandkids that live down the street.

If you wish to connect – with anyone – this model is perfect!

Asking questions about someones life make them feel like you care and are interested in them in ways that not too many people are in a texting, Skyping world.