You know that dream where you are in high school and you can’t open your locker? And then you realize you are late for a test? And then you remember you haven’t been to class all semester? And then you look down and your naked – but still the thing that bothers you most is you can’t open your dang locker??

I haven’t had to worry about opening my high school locker for more years than I’d care to remember – well almost 40 to be exact – and yet those 3 years of high school, which honestly feel like yesterday to me, still influence my dreams.

There are so many things I didn’t have to worry about in high school, including not knowing my locker number, missing class and walking around in the nude – that’s just come after high school.

But of all the different ages 50 is the one that seriously smacked me square between the eyes and almost knocked me out. There were so many things that I didn’t expect from 50! For example:

THAT TIME WOULD GO THIS FAST

You know that country song by Kenny Chesney Don’t Blink?

I have to say that waiting for Santa as child was longer then the last 50 years!   I remember days that seemed like weeks when I was young and now years seem like minutes.

Once when my son was a Jr. in High School I said to him, “my Jr year was yesterday” to which he replied – that means you got pregnant in high school mom – to which I replied “it was yesterday morning, you were born last night.”

But honestly it’s hard for me to get my brain around the entirety of my life and how quickly I’ve gone from child, to teenager, to young adult, to married, to mom, to 50!

What happened with time?

50 IS NOT OLD

Did you know that it’s only been 80 years since the mortality rate was mid 50’s. So in the 1930’s I would be ready to kick the bucket any day now! People would look at me and say “She lived a good long life!”

I feel like I’m just beginning to live. The kids are raised and for the first time in 30 years I can consider what I want to create, do, live, experience.

50 really is the new 80 – at least where life expectancy goes, and 30 where energy goes.

HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO LIVE IN AN EMPTY NEST

I was a stay at home mom, with a few side hacks (that’s the in term for businesses) here and there. I have 4 boys and a girl with a 10 year spread from youngest to oldest. So for 30 years my number one focus was my kids.

Then one day – they are gone. Ok for me it seriously did happen like in a 3 month period and it freaked me out.

One day the oldest was graduating law school, while living at home, the second and third were in school, the forth serving in Columbia and the fifth headed to Argentina.

There was no trickle effect it was more like a flood. It was as if the front door opened and all my children were swept out and my purpose in life with them.

This image fits it’s perfectly – the house was a mess, there was still evidence of it having been a bustling home – but now it just felt E-M-P-T-Y!

Suddenly the table set for 7 was set for 2! It was a total shock to my system and it caught me totally off guard.

How do you reinvent your purpose again after 30 years? Who knew I would have to?

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ACHE

And then there is this – – you are walking along and suddenly you feel an ache. What was that.

Or you loose your balance, you move slower, you aren’t doing as much with your day?

For the first time ever – the always healthy capable me is pondering mortality!

 

 

JOY OF GRANDKIDS

There is awesomeness involved with my 50’s too. They come in small rambunctious packages called Beau and Caprie. This one I totally nailed.

This one I knew would be beyond awesome and it has fulfilled all my expectations. They are pure perfection.

THE NEXT 50 YEARS

While 50 caught me off guard I do have to say that once I got used to it – which I’m a slow learner so it has taken me a few years…. I’m going to be Ok

I’m acutally beyond OK, I’m SUPER excited. The feeling is new! Like a brand new notebook with nothing inside (I love school notebooks – back to the high school thing)

I’m at a time in my life where I can take out my notebook and create whatever it is I want to create. I get to paint my own future with the realization that the colors and tones have been affected by my past – but will not control my future – all those decisions lie with me, right now – today!

So here we go – here’s to the next 50 years!